Limiting Beliefs: Removing Mindset Barriers

SEASON 4, EPISODE 2:

We're back, this time digging into limiting beliefs. These are beliefs that get in the way of you achieving what you want to achieve; usually, they come from people other than ourselves. They can be stereotype-based ("starving artists don't make money!"), fear-based ("there's not enough work out there for all of us") and can come from our upbringing or culture (ie: freelancing isn't a "real" job).

We all live with dozens of limiting beliefs, but when they start to get in the way of our goals it can be frustrating. This episode is focused on practical tools and questions you can ask to get yourself out of a limiting belief's grasp. How? By looking for evidence to support and challenge the belief, just like how we, as curious writers, address much of our work. You can challenge yourself in this way while journaling, in conversation with a friend, or in a coaching relationship. It’s a powerful process, and we’ll walk you through it in today’s episode.

Full Transcript Below:

Wudan- Hi everyone, and welcome to The Writers' Co-op.

Jenni- We are a business podcast and community for freelance creatives everywhere.

W- That's right. When we started The Writers' Co-op, we were just a podcast. But now the TWC community includes a Slack channel, a Patreon program, online courses and resources, coaching and so much more.

J- All the things. We are definitely proud of our corner of the internet, which operates on an abundance mindset instead of scarcity. I'll just say it's a pretty nice place to be as a freelancer.

W- For sure. And of course, for the show, we are your hosts. I'm Wudan Yan

J- And I am Jenni Gritters. Wudan, should we introduce ourselves again? We actually haven't done that in like three seasons.

W- That's true. I assume that, you know, some people tell us that they binge the whole thing. So maybe they know who we are. But if you are joining us today, I am an independent journalist, based in the Pacific Northwest, one half of TWC. I cover science and society, and honestly, whatever else falls onto my lap. I focus mainly on magazine journalism, whatever you want longform to me, and you can find my work in most national publications. Think The Atlantic, The Guardian, New York Times, New York Magazine. I also write for brands and institutions. I'm a fact-checker, speaker, and a business coach for freelance creatives. So that's a lot. Jenni, what is your current job description?

J- Like you I am forever giving myself new jobs. But here's how I would describe it today, which is, I'm a business coach, entrepreneur and freelance writer based in Oregon, I primarily coach freelancers and small business owners who want to level up. So whether that means making more money or polishing up their business practices. Maybe it's tackling mindset stuff like perfectionism, imposter syndrome, creating a more balanced schedule. All of that is the stuff that we dig into in coaching. And at the moment, coaching is about 60% of my workload. In addition to that, I am also spending time doing personal development, writing for brand clients, creating product reviews for media publications, like the New York Times, and of course, I am the other half of TWC, creating all sorts of things for this network. And I'm a mom of a toddler, and I spend a lot of time outside. That's me.

W- I love it. It's actually pretty cool to see how much things have changed since season one.

J- Yeah, you're right. I was thinking about that the other day. Usually, you don't get to hear former iterations of yourself for better or for worse. But like we can listen to versions of ourselves from last year on this podcast. It's an interesting thing.

W- Absolutely. So Jenni, let's dive into today's topic, which is limiting beliefs.

J- I am so down with this topic, I think I could talk about this for like five hours, but we're definitely gonna try to keep ourselves to about 30 minutes.

W- Yeah, this is obviously a huge topic that we talk a lot about over text message. I feel like this season is really just us taking our texts and making them public.

J- Yeah, honestly, I think so. So let's start, as per usual, with defining limiting beliefs. I'm actually studying them in my coaching program right now. So I have a lot to say about this. But Wudan, why don't you start us off? How would you define limiting beliefs?

W- So to me, and maybe a dictionary definition also, limiting beliefs are beliefs that hold you back. They are stories, they are assumptions that we've internalized for ourselves, somehow.

J- Yeah, agreed. A belief is a thought or opinion that you take to be true, right? So I think the emphasis is that these beliefs often come from people outside of ourselves: society, family, friends. Of course, everybody has tons and tons of beliefs. But the ones we're going to talk about today are specifically ones that get in your way when you're trying to achieve something, especially in your freelance business.

W- So what happens, and both of us see this a lot in coaching, is that you believe you can't make a lot of money, for instance, as a freelance writer, so then you don't negotiate. You don't write a business plan, because you don't believe there's money to be made with high monetary goals. You're literally keeping yourself in a small box, because you don't believe anything else is possible.

J- Exactly. So Wudan, let's list some limiting beliefs that we see being talked about within the freelance creative community. And I think, especially for writers,

W- Oh my god, I mean, we are trying to keep this to 30 minutes, but there are so many. So here are some that I can think of off the top of my head: Freelancers have to hustle to be successful. Freelancers have less stability than full time workers. Freelance work is somehow less legitimate than having a full time job.

J- So real and then I think there's a lot of limiting beliefs around money, right? So: Freelancers don't make a lot of mone. Or low pay is just how this industry works. Or freelancers don't get paid on time. I think there's a lot of belief out there about money corrupts, especially if you're doing freelance journalism work. And there's the idea that there is not enough work for all of us freelancers.

W- Oh my god, the corruption thing, like I think I hear a lot of "if I do brand work, it corrupts my journalism."

J- Yeah, it's huge. So then people don't even go there, right? It blocks them from what's possible. I also hear a lot of limiting beliefs about career paths in general. So freelancing is a dead end, it's directionless, it's chaotic, it's stressful. Burnout is a part of freelancing, like you will feel burnt out, you don't have a choice. Also, a lot of stuff about freelancers don't take vacation, or freelancers have terrible benefits.

W- Or freelancing is not something you choose. Freelancing is not a business. It's a monetized hobby for people who are wealthy and privileged. The list is so long, and there's a lot of behavioral stuff too, right? So freelancers who push back on contracts or pricing will be perceived as difficult and might not get work from that client again, or everyone will talk and never give them work again, because they tried to negotiate.

J- Yeah, the last few that I can think of before we move on, and to be clear there are like hundreds more, but I think they have to do with career planning. Like "I can't start freelancing unless I have a perfect website or a perfect business plan." Or "if I have x amount of work lined up," or "I can't change my mind about how I set up my business, because if I do, I'll be perceived as flaky." A lot of times, I also hear that freelancing is temporary, right? Like that it's something that sort of a stopgap measure, or that you have to do it in a certain way to make things work.

W- Yeah, I am kind of amazed by how many limiting beliefs there are. And my brain, frankly, hurts by just verbalizing all this negative self talk.

J- Yeah, agreed. I think we need to dig ourselves out of this hole, which we, which we will, but I do think a lot of us spend our entire days consumed by limiting beliefs like this, right? It's pretty common for freelancers. And then what happens is it causes a lot of stress. So the idea that underscores limiting beliefs is this is the way it is and thus I am stuck, right? It's like the mood that there are no other options. So you're trapped. And Wudan, I don't know how you feel about this, but I also think it's why people dig this podcast, actually, because we're challenging a lot of our limiting beliefs in the way we run our business and our conversations.

W- I agree. I think we're proposing a mindset shift around freelancing, that freelancing can be sustainable, financially lucrative and balanced. Freelancing can be a long game, and you can freelance in a way that doesn't require the hustle. I know even us saying that is a really big deal.

J- And can you like, just for a second, imagine what this industry would be like if we took all the limiting beliefs we just listed and flip them so they actually served us? There would be so many more possibilities, such a better mood, right? So I think let's start with storytime actually, Wudan. So can we do story time? And can you tell us about a limiting belief that you had when you started freelancing where you loosened your grip on it over time, and it was good for you?

W- So our listeners should know that Jenni and I script these episodes. And when we were scripting this, I actually thought extremely long and hard about this question. And I honestly can't remember any strong limiting beliefs that held me back early on. So if you recall from season one, I came into journalism and freelancing with no contacts, and no formal training or education. I talked to, you know, probably a half dozen people about what freelancing looked like for them. And from those conversations, I understood the scope of pay. I understood that you had to have a diverse client base, I understood that maybe I needed to do something else full time with journalism part time before I can switch to full time freelance work. And I also knew of people who really encouraged me to pursue grants early on in my career, so I didn't feel like they were, you know, off limits to me, because I was so green, there has always been a persistent culture of, you have to pay your dues by living in a media center, like New York City or DC at first to get your started in journalism or media, or that you have to take lower paid writing opportunities to move up. But it wasn't like, "and then you get stuck in these places." I feel like because I did my research, I knew where potential paths forward look like. And the takeaway is, I think I was able to let go of a lot of limiting beliefs, because other people told me that upward progression, however you want to define it, is possible. And I'm really fortunate I met those people, because they told me things that shaped my worldview, and they didn't limit it. So, Jenni, what about you? What limiting beliefs did you have at the start when you dove into freelancing?

J- Yeah, first, I just want to say knowing you, it makes a lot of sense that you don't have these limiting beliefs. And it's part of why you have the freedom to act the way you do with your clients. When people ask, How is Wudan brave enough to do that? Well, part of this is the answer. Right? So For me, I think a limiting belief that I held at the beginning and I've talked about this a little bit before too and past seasons was that I was sort of stuck on this idea that freelancers don't get taken seriously. Like, I really believed people wouldn't see me as legit, that freelancing was sort of a stopgap. And that's actually because I had used it as a stopgap between full time jobs before. So I shared this idea with my therapist, I was like, if I freelance it's going to mess up my career trajectory, and people won't take me seriously, especially if I want a full time job again, like will hiring managers see my experience as legit? 

W- So what ended up happening?

J- Well, she challenged me. And I think this is what we're talking about, in both of our cases that there was sort of proof to the contrary. So she said, Do other people see you as less legit? Or do you see yourself as less legit because you don't want a full time job? Basically, is this your own insecurity talking or your own limiting belief? And are you finding evidence to confirm that, or is there something else that's possible here? So she really helped me realize that this whole scenario was in my power. Like, I got to define legitimacy. I didn't have to rely on this old belief. And if I believed I was a person who could be taken seriously, it would change the way I approached my freelance business. So she really challenged me by asking the question: What would it look like to take this seriously? And you know, the rest, right? like I wrote a business plan, I set up an LLC, I made six figures. A lot of that was about a mindset shift. And I think that is kind of the big takeaway that we're talking about here about why it makes sense to challenge some of these beliefs.

W- Yeah, and the key in all of what you just said, is that your therapist made you question your beliefs. I just kind of want to put a pin on that.

J- Yeah, exactly. So let's get into the practicality, because y'all know that we love the practical application when we talk about sort of squishy ideas like this. And then we'll talk through a few limiting beliefs specifically. Okay? So in my coaching program, it's called IPEC, the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching, we literally spent hours talking about limiting beliefs because the program is based on the idea that the greatest freedom you can offer someone is the freedom of choice. Some of the stuff that we'll talk about next comes from the IPEC curriculum. So I just want to say that it's not necessarily like fully from our brains.

W- Yeah, I love that it's a whole program based on the idea that you are not trapped in these limiting beliefs, because you probably didn't come up with it.

J- Yes, exactly. So IPEC defines limiting beliefs as generalizations, stereotypes, or ideas that you've learned from someone else. And then you accepted them as true about yourself or the world or other people, usually based on your lived experience. So first step is seeing this generalization or stereotype. Second is taking it in, and then finding evidence that sort of supports it. So Wudan, where do you think limiting beliefs in freelancing come from? I think about this a lot. Like, like, who came up with them?

W- Yeah, like, Have you signed on to twitter.com today? Sorry, I'm just being really snarky. But you know, frankly, publishers who set our rates, a lot of senior managerial staff at newspapers and other publishers who are probably indoctrinated in this industry, during an era that is no longer reflective of the fast-paced digital world that we live in now.

J- Yes, spot on. And the coaching technique for dealing with limiting beliefs is, in fact, curiosity. So good news, you can do this yourself. Curiosity is actually kind of inherent in journalism and writing creative practices, right? So it's actually something that we're familiar with. So we just have to turn the curiosity lens onto ourselves instead of other people.

W- So if you're doing that, turning the lens onto yourself like a mirror, it's about figuring out that's something that might be true for some people is not the capital T truth. We talked about this a bit in our value episode. So basically, the idea that people don't see value in writing: that's true, but it's also not the full truth, because there are clients out there who do see value in creative work and will pay based on that value.

J- Mm hmm. So the first question I think that we ask in this process, and by the way, Patreon members are going to get a little list of these interrogation questions, so you don't have to write them down if you're a Patreon member. But the first question is, how does this belief limit you?

W- Right. And then what do you lose by holding this belief? And if you believe that you can't make a lot of money as a freelancer, for instance, how does that limit you?

J- Yeah, right, the limiting aspect of this is that then you don't make money if you believe you can't make money. And then the cost of that is stress, I think, and instability. So then the next question is, where does the limiting belief come from?

W- Right. It's like what we discussed before, right? Who did this come from? Where did you hear it?

J- And then we follow up by considering what evidence you have to support the truth of the claim. So you heard us do this in the value episode too, I think, but it's like, do we have evidence to support the fact that freelancers don't make money? Sure, some people don't.

W- Yeah. And then there's the flip side. Is there evidence to suggest the opposite, that people do make a lot of money freelancing?

J- We are the evidence, Wudan.

W- It's true. We both make, you know, a reasonable amount for what we need in life. So there's evidence to suggest that both things can be true.

J- Yeah, exactly. So if it's helpful, you can actually evaluate on a scale of one to ten how true you think this claim is after looking at the evidence, right? So after this conversation that we just had, how true do you think it is that freelancers don't make money, Wudan?

W- I mean, it probably averages out to a five. There's obviously a range, some people make money, and some don't just like in every other job.

J- Yeah. And does a five out of ten feel like enough to base your business practices off of, Wudan? 

W- I mean, for me, probably not. 

J- Exactly. So you're already starting to see there's some wiggle room, right? And then the last two questions are what is possible if you let go of the limiting belief?

W- So, you can make more money, you can find new clients, you negotiate, you set higher goals, your business makes more and you work less, which ultimately means less stress.

J- I mean, super ideal, right? Like, these are huge possibilities. And then we round out with the final question, which is, what new belief would you like to use to replace this limiting belief that isn't serving you? So if I ask you that question, Wudan, what new belief would you use to replace that money one?

W- Hmm, something along the lines of "I am in control of how much money I want to make as a freelancer," or "it's possible for me to make as much money as I set my mind to."

J- I love it. And then we would maybe pick some actions based on that to kind of implement it in your life. So let's pick two more limiting beliefs and go through this process again, just so people can see it in action.

W- Ooh. Okay, let's do it with the idea that if you push back on contracts, or how much you get paid for an assignment, you're construed as difficult and you might not get any more work as a result.

J- Yeah, such a good one. Okay, want to take me through the questions? I'll answer these.

W- Yes. Okay, Jenni, so first of all, what do you lose by holding on to this belief that pushing back makes you difficult?

J- Well, if I believe that pushing back on contract terms, or negotiating makes me difficult, then I in fact, will not push back, right? Because I want to seem easy and flexible. And then that means I'm agreeing to contract terms that don't serve me and in fact, might actually put me in sort of a dangerous situation. And I'm not asking for the rates I need. And bad contracts, just generally stressed me out, like low rates stressed me out. So I think the overall cost of this belief is very high stress and feeling not safe.

W- Right. And where did you learn this belief?

J- So I think this limiting belief comes from a few places. First of all, I think women and especially minorities were taught to be nice, like when we push back, we might in fact, be seen as more difficult in certain scenarios, and it can be safer not to do that. And then I also think, for me, in particular, my parents are very much people pleasers and in past jobs, that sort of been my identity. And then I think there's also this generally accepted principle in freelancing that there's not enough work to go around so you should take what you can get. So it's sort of like a three-part influence for me. I think that this is coming from all sides.

W- Yeah. And as great as spaces are for, you know, all people who identify as women on the internet, I see this coming up so much, and what you said is spot on. So Jenni, what's the evidence to support this belief?

J- Yeah, so I think I know some people who have not gotten work because they pushed back on prices or contract terms. I think that's happened to both of us, right, Wudan? There have been times I've pitched a high number, and then was told that they were going with freelancers who were "more flexible" which, you know, kind of still sticks in my in my head a little bit.

W- Yeah, it's annoying when people reinforce those limiting beliefs. So, what is the evidence against this belief?

J- Again, such a good question. So I've also had really positive experience with pushback. I think, again, both of us have, right? Like the conversation meant that I got to know the client so well that we were on really good terms. The boundaries were clear, I felt super supported financially, contractually. I'd say that like, actually 70% of the time or so when I push back, people are pretty supportive and they don't think I'm difficult.

W- Yeah, agreed. I've had both experiences as well. So it sounds to me like both options could be true.

J- Yeah, exactly. I think both options are possible. And neither is like capital T truth.

W- Right. So on that one to ten scale, how true do you think this assertion is then, that you lose out on work if you negotiate?

J- Well, since I said 70% of the time, it turns out, I actually think like, a three right? I could lose the work, but most likely it's going to strengthen the relationship.

W- So with that mindset in mind, does that make it easier for you to imagine pushing back?

J- Yeah. Actually, yes, because a positive outcome is more likely than a negative one based on what I know to be true.

W- So what is it that you gain from letting go of this belief?

J- Money. Money. Yeah, good contracts. And also, I think a better relationship with clients. Having these conversations with them feels important to me.

W- Totally. Yeah, those are big things. So what new belief do you want to replace the old one with?

J- I love this process. I think I'm just gonna say negotiation helps me build stronger relationships with my clients or negotiation reveals red flags, both of which are important information.

W- Yeah, very, very spot on.

J- I love this. Okay, let's do one more. Any ideas?

W- Yeah, let's do maybe the starving artists/starving creatives trope—like your work has more value if you make less for it, or making less puts you on a moral high ground or even the idea that money and art (I have like little floaty grammar signs around art when I say that) are diametrically opposed.

J- Yeah, I'm into this. So why don't I walk you through the questions this time? Wudan, what do you think you have to lose by seeing money and creative work as opposed to one another? What do you lose?

W- Money! So much money. And I think it puts me in a very small corner where I believe I can either make valuable work or money, but not both.

J- Yeah, exactly. So where do you think you learned this limiting belief?

W- Yeah, I mean, I think this goes really deep with the whole roots of the starving artists trope. But it feels like a societal belief. And sometimes it's used by corporations as a reason to pay less for art. And we see this portrayal all the time in media. I admittedly watched a lot of Girls in my early 20s. And, you know, like, that is used all the time in their episodes. And I think it's also used by artists to support their beliefs, right? Like, I'm not making a lot, but it's okay because everyone else is in the same boat. And it's almost a requirement for me to produce my craft.

J- Yeah, I think you are right, that there is a stereotype here that's held by society. And then there's also some measure of confirmation bias with artists themselves and writers themselves, where this belief can be comfortable. But like you said, it also costs you. So what is the evidence for and then against this belief?

W- This is similar to the first one we discussed. I think there's evidence for both. Some people make money as artists, and some don't. Some people get paid a lot by corporations, and then maybe change their values to match that of the corporation, which is probably where the corruption idea comes from. But also, I know a lot of people who produce incredible art and journalism and who also make a commensurate amount of money. So the two are not exclusive for those folks I have in mind.

J- Absolutely. So either option is possible, right? You can make money, you can not make money, you can be corrupt, you can not be corrupt. So what does everyone gain from letting go of this belief?

W- I mean, people can have their cake and eat it too, right? They can make art and make money, make important work and pay the bills. And now I'm hungry and want cake. And also being an example of a counterexample, in this case, I think can be really powerful.

J- Yeah, it's like changing the narrative one step at a time. And I think this mindset shift actually opens up a lot of possibilities, right? If money and good work aren't exclusive, whoa. You can do a lot more versus, like you said, being backed into a corner. So last question, let's come up with a new belief that is more supportive. What would you say?

W- How about it's possible to make money and produce good work?

J- Mic drop.

W- On that note, I think we should head out. We've kept you long enough. You probably have a lot of thoughts swirling around, and we'd love to hear about them.

J- Yeah, absolutely. So I think the TLDR here is really, you actually have more control than you'd think over what you believe. And the first step is to curiously investigate some of these beliefs as they come up, like what is keeping you backed into those corners? And how might you loosen their grip on you just a little bit? So, you know, signing up for a freelance career with all of these limiting beliefs dancing around is scary, I think. No wonder people feel stressed. And there are a lot of people who are doing work around this to change the narrative. So again, like both options are possible: the stressful option and the other.

W- So we'd encourage you to get a little introspective in the next few weeks and notice what beliefs crop up. Ask: is this idea of mine or someone else's? And so working for me? Who is it really serving?

J- Yeah, and if not, you know the drill. You walk yourself through the questions. Again, Patreon members are going to get access to those right in your feed. And if you're not yet a Patreon member, you can always join us Patreon\TWC pod.

W- All right. Well for us, it's time to go. So I will talk to you later, Jenni.

J- Bye, Wudan. 

W- Season four of The Writers' Co-op is made possible by you, our listeners. The Writers' Co-op is co-hosted and written by me, Wudan Yan and Jenni Gritters. Our producer is Jen Monnier and our editor is Susan Valot.