Taking Caregiving Leave as a Freelancer

SEASON 4, EPISODE 8:

Today we're talking all about how to take an extended leave from your business when you’re preparing for a baby, surgery, illness, or any other kind of caretaking. We're purposefully keeping the lens of this episode wide because we want this to be helpful to anyone who needs to step away from their freelance business for an extended period of time, although we'll discuss parental leave most heavily. Life is unpredictable and medical/ caregiving leave is one of those benefits freelancers usually miss out on. So we’ll also propose some strategies for planning for a leave financially, structurally and emotionally. If you’re planning on taking some kind of leave soon, you can download a worksheet to help you plan that leave here. You should also check out this list of PFML (Paid Family and Medical Leave) states. With parenting and our health, there are seasons. Seasons of hustle, seasons of rest, seasons of inspiration, seasons of boredom. Seasons of creativity and seasons of feeling stuck in the mud. This is life, for better or for worse. And the best way to accommodate those seasons is to plan for them as best as you can, but also leave room to be flexible. Which is, of course, the magic and misery of freelancing.

Full Transcript Below:

Jenni- Hey y'all, welcome to The Writers' Co-op.

Wudan- We are in anti-hustle business podcast for freelance writers and creatives everywhere.

J- We are your co-hosts. I'm Jenni Gritters

W- and I'm Wudan Yan.

J- Hey Wudan, how are you? Are you getting back in the swing of things after your 31 days off?

W- Yep, I am great. I am rested, for a change. It was 32 days off from December 15th to MLK Day. Completely stupid to some, maybe, but extremely luxurious. And I do not regret it. I made two trips to the desert. I finished, I don't even know how many knitting projects, but it's a mountain. I wandered around, watched TV, unloaded my brain. It was really nice and necessary. And I think I can finally work again. What about you, Jenni?

J- Yeah, I'm hanging in there. I'm definitely in the midst of some big life shifts, which we are actually going to talk about in today's episode. So things have been—Yeah, I think the best word is hectic. We opted not to fly over the break because of COVID risks and having a toddler and then I'm actually recording this episode COVID-positive but asymptomatic, because my husband's a healthcare worker. So it's just been kind of all over the place. But our holiday was definitely a lot quieter than we planned, which was really nice. And I think the past few years, Christmas has been a little crazy for me. So it was super good to just hang out. We wandered around the snow in the mountains and slept in and baked bread. And yeah, it was good. Saw a few friends. So it is definitely making me rethink my whole holiday strategy a little bit. The quiet is definitely nice.

W- Yeah, that sounds luxurious in terms of resting.

J- Yes. Not the COVID part. But the resting part. It definitely was.

W- Yeah, definitely the resting, I mean, or things that force you to rest, right. 

J- Yeah, totally. 

W- So Jenni, now that you've hinted a little bit, what is your big news?

J- Yeah. So I've talked about this a little bit on social media. It's not a secret anymore. But I am pregnant again. And I am due with another baby the summer, late June.

W- I am excited to hear that you're excited about that announcement. Yeah. So listeners should or will know that Jenni and I have known each other for more than a hot second. And, you know, from following your journey into motherhood, I understand that it's been a challenge for you—pregnancy, I mean. And that, you know, "congrats," maybe what we're socially and societally conditioned to say, in response to news like that. But I know for personal and situational reasons, one, two, that doesn't always hit the mark. And I think that's true for some other mothers as well.

J- Yeah, as you know, Wudan, pregnancy is just like very complicated for me. So you're right, that, I think congratulations feels like it doesn't quite. I have hyperemesis gravidarum, which basically is a long term for like constantly throwing up and feeling nauseated for nine months. So it's about five times the intensity of morning sickness and never goes away. I always describe it to people as like having the flu for nine months. So when I get pregnant, that's what I'm in for. Obviously, that makes the experience of being pregnant just a lot more complex. It's not just like a yay thing for me. And I gotta be honest, I've been really struggling over the past few months. As we're recording this, I'm about 17 weeks pregnant. But especially those first, like, week, six to week ten, It was brutal. It was really rough to maintain some semblance of my normal life,

W- Being sick for nine months seems really, really, really rough.

J- Yeah, I mean, I think this gives me a lot of empathy for people with chronic illness. I hate being pregnant. Like, I just want to say that. I've said that loudly this time a lot, because I think it is validating for some of us who don't love to be pregnant. It's okay. But this is the last time I will be pregnant, hopefully. Yeah, I just think it has been a huge challenge, and also kind of prompted this episode because of that.

W- And not only are you giving your home to a baby right now, you also did something else that's pretty big, right?

J- Yeah, we bought a house here. And I know you're in the process of trying to buy a house too. So freelancers can buy houses, but it's cool. It is a house on an acre of land here in Bend, Oregon with a wood burning stove. It's like out in the woods and has a really big garden and it's the kind of house I've been dreaming up for a long time. I actually found a note I wrote to myself, like three or four years ago, where I basically exactly described this was the kind of house I wanted, so I am really stoked about that. So yeah, totally in sort of a land of upheaval over here. I've never actually wanted to lay down roots. That's something that really freaks me out. That's a whole different theme for a whole different episode. It is probably why I like freelancing, because I can change it all the time. But I am actually like really excited to lay down some roots here. I think change is good. It's sort of a sign of growth to me. 

W- Definitely. So today's episode is actually related to pregnancy.

J- Yeah, yeah. So like I mentioned, today, we're going to talk about taking caregiving leave as a freelancer or medical leave, or having to step away in some way to take care of yourself. So I have taken one paternity leave with my son. I took 16 weeks, and I am planning to do that, again. I'm having a little girl, so with my daughter. And I felt like this was a really good time to dig into this question, because I get asked about it all the time. And I'm really in this headspace at the moment.

W-  I'm into this idea, and we're going to even broaden it. Because even if you never ever plan to have a child like me, you'll probably still need to take some kind of break, sometime in the future as a freelancer to take care of yourself or your medical needs, your partner, a family member, whatever. So I think this is a good time to have a discussion here because it can apply to all of us.

J- Yeah, agreed. And you know, as we're dealing with COVID, especially with Omicron being so virulent and more and more people getting it, I think this is a discussion that just feels very important, like how do you step away and take care of yourself? So we are keeping the language in this episode intentionally very broad, pretty open ended, we're just gonna call it caregiving leave. So it applies to anyone who's going to take leave at any time to care for themselves, or for another person, for a parent for a child. When I take leave with this baby, it's called maternity leave in particular, but I think that is just sort of like, semantics. So Wudan, I think I'm gonna let you just sort of interview me on the topic. Sound good?

W- Yeah, it sounds awesome. So, Jenni, my first question for you is, before you decided to have children, and thus take maternity leave, tell me a little bit about how you thought about this as even possible as a freelancer?

J- Yeah, good place to start. Interestingly, I don't think I was ready to have a child until I started freelancing, which I know is a flip. Like a lot of people intentionally have children within the context of a full time job so that they get leave. And they have all these benefits. But the way I worked in past jobs was just so brutal and fast paced, and I was like, There's no way I would have a child in this context, because I would have zero time and I also wouldn't be able to spend time with the child like I wanted to. So once I started freelancing, and I saw how much control and freedom I could have, then I was like, Okay, I think I could add a child into this mix, because I would have a lot more control around how I would set up my schedule. So it is also worth saying that my husband has really good benefits, he has insurance and he just took a full time job again. So he has some stability. He's a nurse, and I have almost always been the primary breadwinner, so I'd make more money, but his stability has also made this decision feel doable as a freelancer. A lot of people ask me: how will I know if I can have a good if I'm a freelancer? I have no good answer that question. But for me, having a kid was never about like having these boxes checked first. Like I didn't need a house. Obviously, we were like living in rentals all the time, or a big job or a certain salary. But it was more about for me like having the space mentally to be the kind of parent I wanted to be. And in a traditional sense, like working full time or being a stay at home mom, neither of those options seemed very great to me. So I really wanted to be able to make it my own. And I think freelancing is all about that. We talk about it all the time, like having some measure of control over how you set things up.

W- For sure. And it's interesting to hear your perspective on this, because when I've heard from other freelancers, mostly women talk about freelancing and working from home, they see it as allowing for that flexibility, you talked about with work. And some new parents, especially those who do journalism are usually really worried about how that break will impact their careers, especially if they were traveling a lot beforehand, for instance. So it feels like a really mixed bag.

J- It is for sure, like parenting in general is so different for every person. I think having a kid does change things. I think that is non negotiable. But for me, it feels like the career hit actually isn't as intense. Maybe just not as cut and dry when you're freelancing because you can keep working in like two hours a week, 10 hours a week, and still appear to be maintaining your career in some way. That wouldn't be possible right within the context of a full time job. It's kind of all or nothing. So it definitely does change the way you think about your work though, which I will get into a little bit later.

W- Yeah, definitely. So Jenni, why don't you tell me about how your first leave went with your now toddler? How did you set it up? And how did it work based on your initial plan?

J- Yeah, so I planned to take 16 weeks of leave with my son Liam in early 20. 20, late 2019. He was due January 16. And I told all my clients in advance that I was done at the end of the calendar year of 2019. I told them all I was gonna take three or four months off, most of my clients were really good about it. One client actually wrote my maternity leave into our retainer contract, which was like, totally wild, and really great. So we nailed down, that I would deliver content early and I actually did that for most of my clients. I worked ahead a little bit. So I was actually still getting paid during leave, those paychecks that I'd filed 30 days before were flooding in. And I just talked to them really candidly about how we were going to handle my absence. So I knew I would come back to work, I think that's really key. And we'll talk about that too in a sec. It's worth noting, also, that I like had a few clients who I had a sense would probably disappear during my leave. And I was actually kind of okay with that. I didn't push too hard on those are sort of this like, natural reset to like natural attrition in your business, if you will. And then I also picked up a few product reviews. And I was working on starting this podcast during my leave. So I had some like small things rolling. But really, I did intentionally take four months off to do something that wasn't work that was on purpose.

W- And how did you fund that leave? Because you know, we love talking about money.

J- Yeah, and this is the key question, I think like, how do you take four months off without being paid? So like I said, there were some paychecks rolling in at certain points of time. And this is unique, and I'll get into alternatives later on. But Washington state, where I was living at the time, also has caregiving and medical leave. It's a program that self employed people can pay into. So you pay a percent of your income each quarter into the program, it's a small amount, like for me making 100k a year, it's maybe $100, a quarter. And then when you need to take leave for medical things to care for a parent or child, whatever it is, you fill out these forms, and you get a percentage of your typical pay every week that you take time off. So it's usually up to $1,000. So I actually got paid by the state $16,000 for my leave, which is a good thing. It's pretty great.

W- That's great. I mean, great for people who live in places with these policies. But this feels terrible, compared to other places in the world.

J- Totally. I have a friend in Canada who's like, yeah, they just get a year paid. I think that about sums up caregiving in the US—like terrible, but okayish when it's supported. Anyway, I had this grand plan for my first maternity leave. I was going to return to work. It was going to end up being late March 2020. And then a few things happened. First of all, my son arrived early, six weeks early, so much earlier than I planned.

W- I actually totally remember this because we recorded flounderingly, one of our first episodes at your house while you were super pregnant, and then you disappeared and you weren't responding to my texts for a few days. And you know, that stuff that I don't care about. And then you sent me a photo of your son me being like, Wait, he's here.

J- Yeah, I vividly remember you being like, wait, what? You know, so I got norovirus and my water broke early. And I ended up with a preemie who was in the NICU for two weeks. There's a lot going on there. I actually just wrote about some of this experience for Slate. I will link to that in the show notes. But what basically happened workwise is that I had to cut and run in the middle of my projects. This was two weeks before, I had planned to leave. And I tried to give myself even a three week buffer. So obviously, I just wasn't planning on being gone. And so I wasn't finished with some stuff. So for a few projects, I had editors who I really trusted. And I basically said don't just edit this piece, rewrite it if you need to, even though my byline is on it, which I would not normally do. But I did that with a few people that I really trusted. I answered a few straight emails, in that week following his birth, and because we were in my son was in the NICU. So we were actually just spending a lot of time sitting there. And then for one brand project, I could actually just like backed out halfway through, and I took the half payment. So it really showed me my clients' true colors, I will say. There were people who were super supportive. And then there was the editor who was demanding access to draft while I was in labor, and that was not great. And while my son was in the NICU. So it really showed me who I wanted to keep working with and who I didn't want to work with after I came back from leave.

W- As we always say, it's PR, not the ER.

J- Yeah, totally. So that was the first big hitch I think. I planned for something. And then it did not go according to that plan, which honestly I think happens a lot for peopleYou can't predict when your babies come. You can't predict when you're going to get sick. I just think it's like parenting right now in the pandemic too. It's really hard to predict what's gonna happen medically. For most people, they can't work right up until labor anyway, or you'll end up with a long term health issue. And I don't know, you can't plan for any of this. So we're all just making educated guesses when it comes to this plan thing. But it did show me that I could handle things and wrap them up, even when I was in a less than ideal circumstance. So when I talk to people about this, I'm always just like plan for things to go a little awry. And then the second thing, that timingwise was really tough is my maternity leave ended one week after we went into lockdown for COVID. You may remember, if you've listened to this podcast since the beginning, like our first episodes, we're like recording from our houses like five minutes away from each other, because we're in lockdown. That was when I came back to work. And so I ended up not going back to work in the capacity that I planned because our childcare options changed. And then I only had three days a week of childcare instead of four or five. And it just all became super complicated. And I also came back to a very different situation than I planned on because of COVID. So that client that had written my maternity leave into their retainer, they laid off almost all their editors, I'm sure you all remember this. So two weeks before I came back, they dropped me. They dropped the contract. I could still do projects for them. But I wasn't on this cushy $3,000 a month retainer. The world just looked very different when I came back compared to what I had planned for.

W- Yeah, and you worked a little during your leave too, right?

J- I only worked on pretty much the podcast. And then I did like product review for baby bottles, I think. For me, honestly, and I'm planning to do that again this time. It's really nice for my brain to feel like a professional brain for like, a few hours, every few days. It kept me feeling like myself while covered in baby spit up. So yeah, like it's something that was actually sort of a lifeline, I think, for me having a little bit of work.

W- Yeah, that all really makes sense. Of course, we launched this podcast early pandemic as well. Wild experience. In some ways, mostly good. In other ways, just a crazy time period, again, to be doing anything new.

J- Yeah, like I said, I actually think that the timing for this podcast ended up being really good. For me, it was like sort of a life raft, as my life is just like exploding and changing and the world is a mess. I think of it as sort of like a good grounding thing that we had this podcast at that time

W- Yeah, I agree. It gave us a sense of purpose and being able to help people during a time where I think I personally mostly felt helpless. So, Jenni, let's walk through some of the benchmarks you recommend for folks who are looking to or need to take leave. What do you think is possible to plan or look out for?

J- Yeah, so the first thing, which you already asked me a little bit about, is the money. So I think we should come back to that. You have to figure out the finances for your leave, usually, if you're working for yourself. And obviously you have about nine months to plan if you're pregnant. If you're sick, you don't have that much time to plan. But because we don't have safety nets, as freelancers, most of the time this is I think the hard part, when it comes to taking a leave. We do our freedom, which is our silver lightning. But I think the lack of stability and support with a leave can be tough. So there are a few ways to fund a leave. First, you can try to make more money in the months leading up to your leave to compensate. We've talked about this a lot. It's kind of like how we plan for vacation. If you're going to take three months off this year, you really want to make your annual income in nine months instead of 12. And so if you know that something is coming, a medical event, you can sort of plan for that. I also know people who will just pad their months of work with a little bit of extra money just so they do have money and kind of a health care medical fund. So that's also possible. And it means basically on a grand floor, just each month, you're tucking money away for something like this.

W- Yeah, I think a lot of what we talked about in our out of office episode from season one also applies here.

J- Yeah, totally. We talked about that math. And then I think, obviously, caregiving leave isn't a vacation. But sometimes you can plan for it in advance in that financial plan. So a lot of times when I have people who are parents, for example, that I'm coaching, we're talking about this as part of their overall business structure, like making sure that they do have fallback options financially, that they are tacking a little more in savings than you usually would. Or maybe your partner works a little extra, if you're pregnant, and you have about nine months to plan this. Another option, the one that I had available was state leave. I believe that's applicable in nine states now. I'm going to include a link in the show notes to the website, which lists the states that have parental leave and medical leave. Thankfully, the list is growing, which is good. Right now, I believe nine different states. And the policies in nine different states are all different, by the way. In most states, you need to be an LLC. And then in most states, you can pay into the program, whatever it looks like as a small business. You're just a small business of one and then you file benefits during your leave just like you would if you were getting unemployment. So you're going to like file a claim each week and then you would get a check in the mail or a payment. In most states, I would say this leave covers caring for family members. So parents or a child, it covers the birth of a child. And it also covers surgery and major medical events. But again, like that's pretty different. Depending on which state you live in.

W- We get questions all the time about whether or not to become an LLC, even as a sole proprietor. And I really just want to reiterate that there are many, many, many, many benefits of becoming one, like what we're describing here of being able to apply for paid state leave, if that's applicable. And it's also another way to have even more control over your income, even during these shorter work months, because your capacity is limited, is to set up that business bank account. So it's still possible to pay yourself a paycheck every month, even if you have to step away from doing the work for any reason.

J- Yeah, for sure. I think it's just a general like plus one to doing some financial planning when you're a small business owner, and having that separate business bank account, which can smooth the transition. So for me, even during this pregnancy, so far, I've had weeks where I feel good, and I work a lot and weeks where I feel absolutely horrible, and I'm not working a lot, but it's kind of all balancing itself out. And I'm still paying myself that regular 4k paycheck. So it actually doesn't feel too bad for our finances at the present. The other option that I always like to mention is short term disability. So you usually have to sign up for short term disability before you're pregnant, or before you have a medical event. Usually, it's about three months before you get pregnant or you get sick. And if you're planning to use it for parental leave, you really do need to match that three months mark, because otherwise, whatever happens to you, the pregnancy, the sickness, is considered a pre existing condition, and then it would not be covered. So you'd be paying for insurance that doesn't cover the thing that you need the insurance for. Even though this one's a little more complex, I do know people who have planned this as part of their business plan so that they do have some protection when they are sick if they needed a surgery, if they're going to take time off for a child, so you just have to plan ahead for that one.

W- Yeah, these are good options. Jenni, I didn't know a lot of them before this episode. Tell us a little bit about how you handled your clients.

J- Yeah, so I think as I mentioned before, this is really no different from taking vacation. As a freelancer, when you take time off, it's setting boundaries, it's being clear about them. It is number one being clear about the boundaries for yourself, like, I'm going to put this leave in my calendar, and then it's communicating that leave to your clients early and often. And all the time. Just being very candid, considering each other both human beings and making a plan. Last time, like I mentioned, I opted to work ahead so I can get the clients the content they needed. And I got that extra paycheck. Hilariously, my last pregnancy, those were my highest grossing months ever of my business because of this, I think. Because I was working ahead. And I was also very tired. I'm not doing that this time. But the extra tricky thing for me this time is actually more so this business, The Writers' Co-op, and coaching clients. So I'm doing referrals, probably bringing in a sub to kind of like work with my clients while I'm gone. But there is a little bit of just forward planning. And I have to be really candid with people about what's going on. So there is a little extra work and coordination I think you feel a little bit like a project manager more than usual, when you're planning for something like this.

W- Yeah, coaching is different, right? Like you can always hire somebody else, somebody different, ask managers for help in creating words, but you can't really create another you.

J- Exactly. So I think this time just feels a little bit more complex, like I was saying this January. And I've already let people know about my June absence. We're recording this mid-January. So give them a lot of lead time. I would say with writing clients, give them about three months of lead time. With coaching clients, it's more. But it's communication, really, at the bottom line of this. Early and often making sure that people are aware of the context when they sign up for things when they bring you on board, and doing your best to really manage the logistics yourself. So you're not putting an extra burden on someone else to have to manage that.

W- I like that. So Jenni, you mentioned wanting to work a little bit during your leave. When was it that you knew that you wanted to do that?

J- I love to work. I think that's probably apparent by now on this podcast, for better or for worse. But I didn't know what it would feel like to have a kid the first time. Just like you kind of don't know if you're sick how that's gonna map out. Maybe I'd have a kid and would never want to work again. Or maybe I'd have a kid and I'd be dying to get back to work within four weeks, and no one can give you that answer because they're not you and they don't know. It ended up for me just being somewhere in between those two polar opposites. I always tell people never say never, just set yourself up to be flexible. So plan that you probably are going to want to take most of your time away from work. Maybe there's an essay or there's a projects that you kind of want to hack at. But don't plan to do a huge thing while you're recovering from a surgery or taking care of a child. But if you do end up wanting to do that there will be then space for it. The thing is, with a new baby, it really depends on the baby. So sometimes they're good sleepers. And you find yourself with a lot of mental capacity. And sometimes you're sleeping for three hours a night, and you don't have the capacity to do the thing. You really just want to account for variance, I guess. Plan not to work, but leave room, if you want some projects. For me, there was just a lot of desire to maintain some of that professional identity too. I think that's where my desire to do a little bit of work came from. So it was really nice to have a couple small projects that I could step away and hand the baby to my husband and do my own thing.

W- Yeah, I like that. Carve out the space so you can take all the time, but also leave flexibility in your mindset in case you want to make changes. And also just thinking about these decisions as an experiment and change things/change course when necessary.

J- Yeah, exactly. I think that's another big change that I will make my second time around in taking a long leave, is just acknowledging how much I can't know. I really created this strong plan last time. And things just didn't go according to plan. And so this time around, I'm really making space to adjust those first few months off, like how much do I want to work after I come back from leave? I don't actually know. And I'm sort of just leaving room to decide that once the kid gets here, basically, like I kind of over planned last time. I needed a structure. But I didn't need to try to build the building before the thing happened. So I do think it's worth saying that you will need this skill of flexibility and changing course long term, if you're caregiving. Taking care of another person changes your capacity to work in ways that I didn't expect. And so I needed to be really agile, I think a joke I've had, like every kind of childcare situation under the sun, that changes every two months. And so that season's mindset like okay, every three months, I'm probably going to change this thing has been really important to me. I just needed to be able to take time when I needed to take time and clinging too tightly to any kind of structure ended up not serving me. So this is just about building a business that works for you in a flexible way which, as I said, I think is the silver lining of freelancing.

W- Yep. And all of this is related to awareness around and accepting flexible boundaries. 

J- Totally. There's also this new skill of being able to identify your needs, like you just said, and then implement them that a lot of people don't have and have to build once they're taking care of someone else or they're sick. Like how do you know what you need? We always are talking about setting boundaries and taking stock of what's going on. But you need to be able to make a list of what you need. That's what boundaries are. You know, a lot of times in the past few years, I've had to move deadlines and meetings because sick kid, because sick me, and that's just the way it is. And so there's more priorities in the mix. And you have to know your own needs, and be pretty fierce about them, I think, in order to get what you need and take care of this other person. So it's more complicated, I think, to set boundaries when you have other people in the mix. And also like 27 times more necessary too.

W- Definitely. Did your partner share some of this burden with you? How has that gone?

J- Yeah, this is a good conversation probably to have. So my husband has always shared some of this load. I don't know that I would have had children had I not had a partner who was going to be carrying a lot of the weight of caregiving with children. My husband's a nurse. And so he spends at least a day or two a week with our kid. He always has, sometimes more than that. And he also took three months of leave with me. He got some state money as well. This time, he'll take leave too, he just doesn't get paid for it. So we're planning ahead for that. I always say to people when I talk to them, if possible, I really recommend that not just the birthing parent, but the other parent is involved as much as possible, especially the first kid, like there's just this learning curve that is very high. And if they don't know how to help at first, they might not catch up, which means the burden will be on you. And if you're the freelancer, you have the flexibility. All of a sudden, you're holding the burden of all of the childcare, which I think is what leads to burnout. So you know, a lot of times, yeah, your partner might have a full time job, but they also have benefits. So they should use those benefits. Use both of your superpowers to your advantage. You use your flexibility, they use their stability, in my opinion. And it is just my opinion. Both parents should be sharing the load unless you've like explicitly agreed otherwise. I think a lot of times I see cases where the default is just that one parent, often, although not always, the mother is doing a lot more of the childcare and they're freelancing, so they can do that. But, you know, like I said, burnout is definitely the outcome. In that scenario,

W- Yeah. And I can envision even resentment too, which isn't best. So how did you get to this shared place with your spouse?

J- I posted about this on social media thae other day and got like a bajillion messages about it, We have what are called Gitters family board meetings, sit down, and we like, make sure that everything is divided out evenly. Like I'm seriously like, create lists of all the tasks in the house and make sure that they're evenly balanced, just like how you and I have meetings , Wudan, like, he's running like a corporation with me now, right? Just it's our family. So that is really key. There's a lot of communication, we also have like, a good dinner and good beverages. So it's fun. But I also think that like there's this really intentional part of this where just because I am making more, it means that we actually need to prioritize my work more, right? I'm a freelancer. So it would be easy to deprioritize what I'm doing because I have flexibility. But actually when my son is sick, it should not be the default that I take time off. I make so much more. it should actually be the default that he does, because he gets paid time off. So the math is like in my favor. And so I think like we have been pretty explicit about that from the start that like, I am not the default fallback here. And that has made a big difference.

W- Yeah, I love that empowering, mindset shift. Like when you think about it, from a money perspective, whose time and attention and emotional work and work is more valuable, right? So it's been good to watch you navigate this because it clearly takes a lot of conversation. So you're not always the default parent. Do we have anything else to add?

J- Yeah, I think just in terms of mindset, big events like this, having a child, undergoing some major surgery, dealing with chronic illness, these things change how you want to spend your time. And I think once I had a kid, I liked spending time with him a lot more than I thought like I really, I would tell everyone, my husband's gonna be the primary parent, not me. And it turns out, I actually liked it. So my going back to work plan ended up with me scaling back a lot, because it wasn't actually how I wanted to spend my time. I didn't want to be working five days a week. You do want to plan for coming back. And you want to start to implement that a few weeks before you come back. Because as you know, freelance paychecks have this lag, right? So you're going to get paid for the first month or so of your leaf, but then all of a sudden, it's gonna dry up. And then when you come back in March, you might not be getting paid til April or May. So I think there's this like planning ahead that does need to happen regardless of what you think you might want out of this situation. It's better to have some of those connections in place. And then to adapt based on that. I remember someone told me that. Reach out a few weeks before you go back to work and start to cultivate those relationships again, start to get those assignments again, I even know people who will pre-write pitches before they go on leave so that they have things to send when they get back. I think just considering that lag time, while again, leaving room for that flexibility. It's super key. I think it's really important.

W- Yeah, and it happens after a vacation too, that super slow week or whatever, where things are ramping back up.

J- And the longer time you take away, the longer the lag. I also just will say, the return was really hard for me last time, it's hard when you come home from surgery or bring a new baby home from the hospital. That part's hard. But then it's also hard when you go back to your real life with these new constraints in place. So for me, having other people around other freelancers who got it to support me was was really important.

W- I've also heard you talk about this pause of leave of being a good time to reevaluate. So tell us where that's led you?

J- Yeah, this is like  firing clients, but them sort of like leaving on their own situation. So I just ended up phasing out a few clients. Like I said, there were a few who responded really poorly to the situation of me needing to step away early, like I'm in labor, and you're insisting I send you Google Docs. Let's, let's be real here. And so I think  I just call it natural attrition. I think you have to expect that as well. If you're going to step away for four months, things are gonna look different when you come back, just like four months from now, even if you are working, your business is gonna look different. So I just think as you start working again, when you're a parent, or if you have chronic illness or whatever you're dealing with, you're going to want to check in on your values. again. If they've changed, which they usually do, you may want to change your work setup to match that. And that would mean letting go some clients usually.

W- And how have your values changed?

J- This is a good question. So I think I would have said to you before that freedom and flexibility were really my big values pre kid and now I'm much more interested in stability and predictability. Before, I was doing a lot more writing that required more creative energy. And when I came back from leave, I actually did not really have the bandwidth and so I wanted editing work and simple stuff. Stuff that didn't require a lot of creativity, because I was not sleeping a lot. My brain just couldn't handle complexity for a solid like eight months there. So I am back again. I think I've circled back to wanting that creative challenge again. So all of that is just to say it changes when you have other things going on in your life, especially the emotional weight of taking care of people, like sometimes you do need something that's just simpler. And I think also, impact is really important to me now. It's why I've focused on doing a lot more coaching, like helping people making sure my time is spent in a way that has this trickle effect where other people are able to better their lives and their businesses.

W- Yeah, this all makes a lot of sense. Big change, things shuffle around. So Jenni, what is your plan this time around?

J- Yeah, so I'm still in the midst of creating this plan, to be honest. And like I said, I'm keeping it a lot more flexible this time. But my tentative plan is to add in a sort of substitute for myself with The Writers' Co-op. So bring in some income, but I don't actually need to show up. That's even happening now with events as I'm so sick, having other people step in for me. So that'll be an interesting experiment. And then I think I will be doing some measure of that in my coaching practice as well, whether it's referring or having somebody else take my clients for a few months. And I do think it's actually maybe possible that I can make about three or 4k a month while on leave without doing a ton of actual work, like just some maintenance. So it's kind of an interesting experiment. I'm going to be gone for four months again, but I'm actually going to start the slowdown in April, this time around, give myself a couple months of padding. This month, next month will be a little busier. And then things are gonna start to slow down. We're moving, like I said, and I have some creative projects that I want to work on in May and June. Plus I'm interested in having a slower season right now. As far as the lever itself, I am planning to do a little work throughout. Like I said, My husband always takes leave with me. So I do have that support. And I will be taking 16 weeks again through Washington's leave system since my business is still located in Washington. But I'm also planning to, you know, I'm not going to take a long leave like this with a child again. So lots of hiking, you know, lots of things that are enjoyable. That's part of the plan, too. I think actually rushed through my leave last time and this time around, it's like, yeah, I'm not going to do this again. So I may as well actually enjoy parts of it. I'm not going to have a newborn again. So yeah, I think I am sort of hopping off the treadmill, stopping all my juggling for a few months is sort of the plan, probably for about half a year. So I am interested to see how it goes. I'm interested to see how the finances of it map out as well. But I'm sort of planning for a less financially lucrative year.

W- Yeah, that sounds cool. And I am very conscious that we've said the word plan in this episode like a bajillion times. And as we both know, like you've shared about your first birth experience, life doesn't go accordingly to plan.

J- Yeah, not at all. Cue me having COVID But no symptoms are avoiding it for two years. You know, I mean, you just can't predict what is going to happen.

W- For sure. And all we can do is adapt to these changes, like being communicative and honest with your clients, reassessing your bandwidth when life hits you, and being also very honest so you don't overbook yourself in terms of labor, but also in terms of emotional work, because now you're saddled with medical issues or caretaking duties.

J- Yeah, I think that emotional work feels very key for me to highlight. At the moment, my brain is really full of logistics, and I'm managing the emotional toll of being really sick every day. That's not something to discount. There's a lot of emotional labor involved in just picking myself up out of bed every day, nauseated and showing up to work. And so it does make me less available My general capacity is just reduced. I'm also, interestingly, watching my parents take care of their elderly parents right now. And same thing. I can see that toll. I can see the reduced capacity. It's not just about time, it is also about that emotional energy.

W- How do you deal with that?

J- I wish I had a perfect answer. Honestly, this is something I'm learning. I think that just because I can do something, because I have the hours, doesn't mean I have the capacity to do it right now. And again, I think it comes back to identifying what those needs are. Like not just setting the boundaries, either. But also holding them. I've been having lots of boundary conversations with people about how boundaries entail patrolling the periphery. So like you said, a boundary, you're like, This is the thing I think might work for me. But then you also have to check in with it and be like, in the moment is this actually working? I think I'm in a situation right now where like some of the things I've put in place, aren't necessarily 100% working. And so part of my plan for this week is to—someone told me stop juggling and put all the balls on the table and look at them. So doing a little bit of analysis. I think it's sort of like a constant thing when you're sick or dealing with an ever changing caregiving situation.

W- Yeah, this tracks with a lot of my philosophies. And you know, this is setting up a hypothesis of what you think will work for you, but also leaving that space and flexibility to check in and make sure that it is actually working for you. Once you're in that situation. Again, something that both of us I'm sure run into a lot coaching people.

J- Yeah, exactly. I think this is like 90% of coaching conversations, honestly. So it definitely tracks. So in terms of resources for our Patreon, All Access members, and up this week, we're going to include a worksheet that's going to help you plan for a leave. So medical, paternity, otherwise, whatever that looks like. Just asking you some general questions, so you can build that scaffolding for what you think you hypothesize that you might want. This is for if you know that you're going to take a leave up front. And then we're also going to add that worksheet to our website, by the way. So if you're not a Patreon member, you can still access it. I'll put the link to that in the show notes. You can just buy it ala carte. And it will walk you through step by step how to think about taking prolonged time away from your business. But I'm also going to drop a few journaling questions into the Patreon newsletter this week as well, just to kind of address what we were just talking about about. That in the moment analysis. Like when you're in the midst of caregiving or medical situation, what do you need? What is your actual capacity? So those are to help you get in touch with those needs, which again, as I said, is kind of like a tough skill.

W- Yeah, this all sounds great. If you haven't yet joined us on Patreon, you can always do so at patreon.com/TWC pod. We've added some new membership options, including Office Hours with me. So you'll want to check that out if you haven't already.

J- Yep, totally. So members get discounts on all sorts of things, events, worksheets, all sorts of stuff. So you will want to check it out. If you're interested in even just joining an event. Join Patreon for a month and you get a good discount.

W- Yeah, and y'all are the ones funding this season as well. So we appreciate you for that.

J- Yeah, we do. So with that. I'm going to go head out and take a nap

W- Do it. I hope you feel better.

J- Thanks. See you, Wudan.

W- Bye, Jenni. Season Four of The Writers' Co-op is made possible by you, our listeners. The Writers' Co-op is co-hosted and written by me, Wudan Yan and Jenni Gritters. Our producer is Jen Monnier, and our editor is Susan Valot.