To Bail or Not to Bail

SEASON 6, EPISODE 6:

It’s rare to have a perfect relationship with a client. They might do small things that bug us, like scrub all of our oxford commas and em-dashes.

But there might be other things they do that bother us more: Maybe they don’t listen to your feedback. Or they micromanage or do something that seriously hinders your ability to work. Or their expectations and scope change constantly. It’s all frustrating, but when do you make the choice to bail on a project, and when do you stay? How do you know when you’ve had enough?

In this episode, Jenni and Wudan walk through different projects where they’ve strongly considered bailing – or when they really did walk away. They'll also address several letters and voice memos from listeners.

We hope these conversations can help guide you the next time you’re faced with a tricky client situation.

Full Transcript Below:

Wudan Yan- Hi, everyone, and welcome back to the Writers' Co-op.

Jenni Gritters- We are your co-hosts. I'm Jenni.

Wudan Yan- And I'm Wudan!

Jenni Gritters- It is fall/almost winter. It's cold.

Wudan Yan- Yeah, it's snowing in Seattle.

Jenni Gritters- Yeah, it's been a season. It has been snowing here quite a bit. We have almost a half a foot at my house.

Wudan Yan- That's nuts. There's a lot of slush. I'm over here basically being a squirrel. I can't say that word too loudly—my dog might hear it, and she loves the SQ word. But I'm just putting away as much energy as I have for life. At the moment, I call this the season of building capacity.

Jenni Gritters- Yeah, that resonates with me. I'm definitely ready to hibernate. I'm sure you can also hear in my voice that I have been super sick, because I live with a toddler. So please pardon the croakiness. I will be over here chugging water as we record this episode.

Wudan Yan- Yep. And our expert editor will cut out everything else.

Jenni Gritters- Yep.

Wudan Yan- This really has been a wild sick season—COVID, and RSV, and all the other crap. Okay, so let's hop right into this episode.

Jenni Gritters- Yep, so what are we talking about today?

Wudan Yan- This episode, I'd say would fall under the umbrella category of all the tough decisions that freelancers need to make—and it's an issue that I've heard come up a lot when I just chat in passing with my other colleagues. That is: In the middle of an assignment, when is it a good time to jump ship?

Jenni Gritters- Yeah, this is a really good topic, because I think it is certainly a common struggle.

Wudan Yan- Do you have a story about this, like an instance where you were mid-project and you decided...I gotta get out immediately? What happened? And how did you make these decisions?

Jenni Gritters- This is a good question. When we were scripting this, it took me a little bit of time to think of something, because this hasn't happened in a while with a client project. These days, I think I usually see the red flags before I'm in the midst of a project that like really sucks. I tend to notice them usually within the contract, or, you know, their crappy emails or onboarding process. I think we've talked a lot about those red flags. But the one I came up with happened in 2018. So I was working with a very big tech company. They had me sign all these NDAs. They brought me in to develop long-form stories. It was a weird assignment. They were kind of case studies. I was for their internal communications program. And they asked me to find people who were in a specific niche. So I had to write a long-form narrative about those people. It was a really odd assignment. Usually, as a journalist, you're not trying to fit a nuanced human experience into an archetype. Like, it was really bizarre. You're kind of cautioned against doing that, actually. So in this case, I was supposed to do exactly that. And my sources got really frustrated by the process. So did I. I would get edits that would ask me to add a section or a talking point. But I couldn't just like decide that my sources were having a certain experience that they weren't having. Basically, it was so well paid, and it also just like really was ethically messy. So I ended up working on this project late into the year. And then I went into labor really early with my son. The long-form narratives were half-baked at that point. And the client was really mad that I went into labor. They...I think were up against intense deadlines. Like literally, they were texting me while I was in labor, asking for the Google Docs and interview documents. After my son was born, I did finish up some of my work with other clients while he was in the NICU, but I cut this particular client off mid-assignment. Like I literally just took half the pay and walked away.

Wudan Yan- We don't like to say what people should or should not do. But a client probably should not be in a delivery room. I hope that's fair to say. Not in any form at all.

Jenni Gritters- Yeah, correct. So Wudan, what did you do? Do you have a story about a time that you bailed? Something similar to this?

Wudan Yan- The story I wanted to share also happened in 2019. It's been a while. I traveled on my own dime to Bangladesh to report on the Rohingya refugee crisis. I already had one big magazine story commission, but otherwise I was doing enterprise journalism. Mostly on spec, and then pitching them as I came across them. Not a great business model. But coverage at that time of the Rohingya crisis had already been so saturated, and so I was really picky, and looking for stories that hadn't been covered. The only way I could do that was from the ground. I came across this one story about the lack of support children with disabilities were facing in the camps, and I pitched it to a big national outlet, who I've worked with a few times before. So in the past, the experience was, okay. Not great. Not stellar. Hit or miss. The rate for the web story also wasn't great, so I threw in some photos to boost the project fee. This story went through two rounds of edits pretty painlessly. My editor told me I can invoice, so I did. And then he wanted my story basically top edited by somebody who covered disability. And I interpreted this as having a sensitivity reader for a web publication, and I was really excited. I've worked with many other sensitivity readers before, and their feedback ultimately made my work stronger. But this one top editor raised a bunch of questions that ultimately made my editor be like..."Wait, why isn't the story more hopeful? This isn't what I wanted!" And this is funny, in a way, because I remember very distinctly going back to the original pitch I sent and realized that the story, at that point, matched my pitch exactly. All said, I was pretty exasperated by the process, and the back-and-forth that should really not have happened so late in the editorial process, that I just decided to pull it and re-pitch it. I didn't see anyone else covering this. And interestingly enough, once I resold it, it basically got published with minimal edits and minimal complaints. And I did get paid twice for it. And I'm not sure if the money was worth all the hassle, the emotional hassle especially, but the experience affirmed that editors tastes just differ. Wildly. It feels like such a gamble, which means it's also possible to bail on a situation that sucks and find something else that's better. I feel like that's abundance mindset in practice.

Jenni Gritters- What a royal pain. Although, I think this does sound like a really good example, like you said, of not getting stuck in scarcity and knowing that there are other places where your work might be valued. Like, seeing the value for yourself, and not depending on someone else to tell you whether it's valuable or not. I also think it's important that we don't stay somewhere when we're not being treated well. Realistically, there are endless clients, endless publications, endless opportunities. But again, it's really tricky, I think, when you're in the midst of it to have that clarity about needing to walk away. You know, as a coach, I see people getting stuck on the decision-making process a lot when they get into these tricky situations. Like, getting into this sort of spiral of when do I bail? How do I know if I've hit the point of no return? What's protection? What's flakiness? On and on and on...I actually wrote a recent newsletter in my newsletter Mindset Mastery about how to make decisions, because I've been having this discussion so constantly with people in my life. As freelancers, I think it's especially hard sometimes to get clarity on these decisions. Because we're sort of in a vacuum. We're working by ourselves. It can just make getting clarity and making really focused decisions pretty tough. So the basis of what I wrote about in that newsletter—and we'll link to it in the show notes—is that decisions come from our heads, hearts, and gut. And that means that we have these three different parts that we can access. So head means that we collect all the facts. We rationalize, basically, our way through the decision. Decisions from the heart are more emotions-based, feelings-based. Does this thing elicit dread or excitement? And then gut decisions are based on intuition. And often, we have one particular thing that we lean towards when we make decisions. But considering all three can really be helpful. So from the way you told the story Wudan, it sounds like you made a decision here from both your head and your gut.

Wudan Yan- That resonates. I knew, basically, that it was not working. But I also felt the strong instinct to walk, and I followed it. And we'll come back to these three modes of decision-making later in the episode.

Jenni Gritters- We will, but first we invited our listeners to share some freelance conundrums that they have faced with their clients.

Wudan Yan- Okay, let's play our first voice memo.

VOICE MEMO- I'm calling in with a not-so-fun situation I'm trying to navigate. Basically, I'm on the tail end of an editorial project with a client I've worked with once before. And at this point, it's just not working. The clients are perfectly nice, but so disorganized, giving information in bits and pieces, which creates extra work for no reason. And it's just truly kind of haphazard at managing the internal stakeholders and any part of this editorial process. And this has been true since the beginning. So halfway through the project, I did write up some observations, you know, gentle feedback, suggestions on ways of working, so we can hopefully collaborate better. But it seems like it was received, but didn't really make any difference since I sent that over. And at this point, I feel my work hasn't really been set up for success. And it's just trying to hit a moving target, which is super frustrating. And at the same time, I have just one small part of the project left to complete, but I already know I don't want to work with them again after this. I am appreciative that at least they agreed to pay more because of scope creep and timelines throughout the project. But in general, I just feel really bad—for lack of a better word—about this project and my work there. So all that's to say: Wondering if you have any advice about how to think through this dilemma and help me decide whether I want to (or should) stick with it at this point, thanks.

Jenni Gritters- Oof, this is hard.

Wudan Yan- Yeah, the emotional toll of dealing with clients adds up.

Jenni Gritters- To our caller's credit, I do want to call out the incredible strategy here of managing up. Like, this person has done so much work already.

Wudan Yan- Yeah, we're not paid for managing up, by the way. And by managing up, we mean taking note of how you and the client can work better together and bringing it to them in the form of respectful, constructive feedback. This happens all the time within companies, hierarchical companies, especially.

Jenni Gritters- We can all use feedback, sometimes, even managers, right? Even clients. And in this case, I feel like it's really unfortunate that they didn't take your comments to heart and implement them. But I'm so proud of you for doing that first. I often see this happen in organizations where the bureaucracy and disorganization literally just prohibits them from making real change. Like, if they're middle manager, they're just kind of hemmed in. They feel trapped. One of the things that we get to avoid as freelancers is being involved in that, but it sucks when you're working with someone, and you get pulled into that system of drama.

Wudan Yan- Definitely. It makes sense why you feel frustrated and perhaps even devalued.

Jenni Gritters- So Wudan, if you were in this person's shoes, how would you think this decision through? Would you bail or stick with it?

Wudan Yan- My inclination would be to figure out how much longer the project will take. She says it's in the final stages. So if there's a definitive end date, and it's within a few weeks, or if the rest of the work wouldn't take me that many total work hours to complete, I think I could tough it out. I think what the client has going on for them, in this case, is that they've agreed to pay for the project,or parts of it, that are out of scope. So that gives some insight into what I'm thinking. So what about you, Jenni, walk us through your thoughts here.

Jenni Gritters- I would also stick it out, if it was just a short bit of time left, which sounds like the case here based on how this person explained it. But I would really, really make sure I'm only working to the extent of the agreed upon assignment and not beyond it. I think I would let the folks there know that I'm stepping away on X date. Like, here's what we're going to do before we get to that date. I want everyone to be clear on what's happening. It is worth saying that if the timeline is longer, like say you have like three months left to work with them or something like that, then it's a question to me of cost. Like, if the cost of that time and emotional frustration...the cost there might be a drag on your business and your work. You might make less money. You might be less able to work on these other projects and might be a huge impact on your well-being. If that's the case, I would really heavily lean towards walking. And you probably need to be honest with them in a professional way about the work not being a fit, if that is the case. Again, I would finalize things up to the point of where they're at. Like, okay, here are the current drafts. Let's polish them up. Here are some notes on research for someone else to take on the rest of the project. And then I would respectfully bow out. And I think you, know, it's probably burning a bridge. But if you stay, you risk a lot more than just burning that bridge.

Wudan Yan- Correct. And I think if I stayed for those final weeks, the cincher for me here would be having to set boundaries, so I can keep my frustration at bay.

Jenni Gritters- Do you have tips and tricks for how to do that?

Wudan Yan- Because I hate email, if I find myself getting frustrated with a particular client or something, I start filtering all their emails. And filtering just means that they're not flowing through my inbox in the normal way. I'll usually have these messages skip the inbox and land in a separate folder with the clients name. As long as it's not front and center, it doesn't fill me with the same dread or anxiety, I find. Because when I click on that separate folder for them, I'm making a very conscious decision of looking there. Like I am ready. I'm in a space where I can do work for this particular client. Maybe I check it once a day, at the end of the day, or something, but I just don't want it ruining my day first thing in the morning or in the middle of the day, if I'm doing other stuff. What about you?

Jenni Gritters- Yeah, like that, because it's being at the cause of the situation rather than the effect. From my end, I would definitely have a clear end date. And I would set expectations about what I plan to deliver by that date. If there is chaos, which it sounds from this voice memo like there definitely is chaos, I find that things can drag or expectations can change. And so having a place where all of those set deliverables live in an email that you can both refer to, it's really helpful. You know, like literally a straight up checklist, so that you also know what you need to complete before you're out. And along with this, if the client is like truly horrific, I think that setting up some therapy, self-soothing tactics, support systems around you as you endure those final weeks is really important. If I'm stepping away mid-project, I would say that it just makes sense to be very clear, as well, to get in touch with yourself about how you want to close out the relationship. What matters to you? You know, is it professionalism? Is it kindness?...making sure that that's a part of your conversations. And then you toe the line and you show up for yourself. They might try to convince you to stay. They might ask you for things you can't give. And then you are faced with the decision of whether you're going to do that, or you're going to hold on to what you've promised yourself. That feels like sort of a mental boundary to me, like knowing what your capacity is, and then making it clear to them kindly but without apologizing,

Wudan Yan- This is the part where I like to remind people that "no" is a complete sentence.

Jenni Gritters- Yes, there is also some grief in this, I think. Like, you might feel bad about how it turned out. You might be sad that this didn't work out better. You probably got into the client relationship because you were excited about it, because it paid well. These are all valid feelings. They're all worth processing. And I promise in pretty much every circumstance, you're going to bounce back and find another client who's better for you, because you just cleared that space. But you are gonna have to clear the space. Okay, we have another one of these. So our next listener called in with the following conundrum, and I'm going to read this one: "So about a year ago, I got laid off from a job, and I didn't get much of a severance payout. I've been looking around, doing some freelance work, and someone offered me this role with a publishing firm to be an assistant project manager. I would help them get these two internal magazines done every couple of months. I took it on because, frankly, I needed the work. I moved abroad, so this was going to be my only source of income. It has turned into a nightmare. I was brought in to do this job, and there's no hope of ever changing the process by which things get done. I just have to manage within a process that doesn't work. We are making internal corporate magazines that involve over a dozen rounds of approvals. And if someone wants one tiny word change in an article, it has to go back to the beginning. On the top of that, I wake up every morning to about 40 emails from my boss, each of them increasingly hysterical, because they don't see a project that's working, even though it's the process that she came up with. The scope of the project is also creeping. Originally, this project was supposed to take two or three months per magazine. And I get paid per magazine, not for the amount of time I spend on it. But they've started extending the production time for the magazine. So the spring issue became the autumn issue. And because I don't get paid until the magazine is done, the job, which was supposed to be helping me pay rent n my new country, is hardly helping. I had less than $50 in my bank account when they decided to pay me. This job was supposed to give me money and stability. It is the only one I have right now. Would you stick with it? Or would you go? What would you do? So Wudan, do you hear a compelling reason to stay in this situation?

Wudan Yan- As a objective third-party individual hearing about this scenario for the first time...no. I think I would maybe—like big maybe—stick with it, if I renegotiated the pay structure with this client, though. Like creating a magazine is a whole Process—with a capital P—and as somebody on contract, I'd be expected to be compensated for it. So my question here is like, okay, you're looking for money and stability. Is there a way to negotiate for this? So at least there's something? Jenni, what do you think?

Jenni Gritters- I hear this story, and I'm like—you know, I hear myself reading it—and I'm like get out, get out, get out. Hard pass for me. I've been in situations like this, where the system really doesn't allow you to succeed, and you have to manage your manager's emotions. And wow, that is not worth any amount of money for me. Like truly, to be frank. You're right, though. I think that the first line of defense would be to ask for what you need, just to make sure that it's not possible. Like really upfront, a better pay structure that reflects the work at hand and boundaries around how to work and when communication happens. Like those things feel important. But if you don't see changes quickly, I think it's time to line up something else. I know the money matters. But at this point, it sounds like you're not getting paid much either. And so walking away would actually be a better financial decision as well.

Wudan Yan- The other question to consider here is, like, what would it take for this caller to start making decisions out of abundance?

Jenni Gritters- Yes, yes, and yes. Because it sounds like the reason why this person took the job is because it came at a time when they needed the money. And that is a very valid reason to take a job. But it's also a fear-based reason to take a job, which, like you just said, can make it a lot harder to leave when it comes down to it. Wudan, how do you think about switching from scarcity to abundance in a situation like this?

Wudan Yan- I personally—and I can only speak for myself, and maybe people find this, that it resonates with them—but I'm personally someone who is always looking for interesting opportunities, even when I'm super happy. I do this because I know I make better decisions when I'm in a better frame of mind. And so I think if I were coaching this caller, I'd encourage him or her to just start observing and talking to others who might know of new jobs. And just make a list of all the things that sound interesting to them. Chances are, the job that they're in right now isn't the only thing that they can do. And once they physically have a list of other opportunities, they'll slowly start to see that abundance. And obviously, like apply for these, have warm introductory call where needed, build relationships, so on and so forth. Do you have anything else to add in terms of creating abundance?

Jenni Gritters- I mean, it's tunnel vision, right? You're so deep in this one that you can't see the possibility all around. You just feel stuck. I know that feeling. It makes sense. I love what you propose, though, Wudan, because it expands the viewfinder. More is out there. And let's find proof that more is out there. Seek evidence to support that belief. And then you can rewire that fear brain a little bit, to some extent. Like, your brain really loves evidence. I know that we've only touched on a few tricky client experiences here. But let's end this episode by zooming out a little bit and speaking more generally about why we might stay in a situation or another.

Wudan Yan- Yeah. For me, I remember earlier on in my career, when I was still prioritizing, building up my portfolio, I really toughed it out with bad clients, because I wanted the byline, because I was still building credibility.

Jenni Gritters- Make sense. Sometimes, if you're earlier in your career, or at a slow spot in your career, or feeling kind of confused about your direction, clients can be more likely to exploit the fact that you're still gaining experience. And they might devalue your work and your time, because they know that you need that byline or that you need that money. You don't know as much what is normal, I think as well in that situation. So you might let something drag on more than you would after years of experience. I think this muscle of walking away or bailing on a client is something that is developed over time. Early on, I think for me, I would also stay because I was really worried about maintaining goodwill with people. Like, I can think of a few situations where I stayed longer than I probably would now, because I was worried about needing to work with them down the line. And a project might be a pain, but maybe the people were really good and respectful. So I would stay for the people.

Wudan Yan- I think the last reason to stay is if the cost of bailing will be too high for me or for the client. And what I mean by that is if you leave, obviously, the client would likely have to find another person to complete this job, which is a thing that is completely on them. I do want to make that clear. But if they're on a tight timeline, how much are you screwing them over? And if you'd possibly lose out on a ton of money that you need by bailing early, how readily could you make up that cost? There is a lot to consider, and I think this is where it might be useful to actually write out the facts and use your head to help guide your decision-making.

Jenni Gritters- Yep. When I talk with people about decision-making, this is where we start: You create a list of hard facts from an objective perspective—this is the rational question. What is going on here? If someone was observing the situation from the outside, what would they list as the pros and cons to leaving? What are the needs in the picture? This is definitely hyper-rational, but it can be really useful to write it down, especially if you're not inclined to make decisions based on your rational brain. But then I also would ask people to make a list of those heart-centric observations. So how do you feel? Where do those feelings live in your body? If you close your eyes and you think about staying, how do you feel? If you close your eyes and think about leaving, what's the experience? That is important information too. And then finally, you call on your intuition. So this is a whole thing. It's maybe a little woo woo. But we all have a sense of intuition that we experience incertain ways. I wrote about some of the different ways that we experience it in that newsletter that we'll link to. Mine is usually this feeling in my body of something being right for me. But some people will actually like hear a sentence or see a vision, a picture in their head of what is best for them to do. So it's kind of like a gut sense. It's a nearly automatic reaction to something. So I will also ask my clients: What does your intuition tell you about the next right move? And then all three of these things is what gives you that full picture that's going to help you feel more balanced when making a decision. Because the decision to stay or to leave is going to be really personal. Like, neither decision is necessarily wrong.

Wudan Yan- Yep. To all of that. What about compelling reasons to bail?

Jenni Gritters- When we put this call out for this episode, we got truly a range of responses. Because, again, I think this is really individual.

Wudan Yan- People told me about invasive, immature, unreasonable things that clients have done or asked. Some stories verged on sexual harassment, I'm sad to say. And people who rightfully bail from these situations very much so follow their gut.

Jenni Gritters- I just hate hearing those stories, but I know they are common. And if you are getting weird vibes, creepy vibes, it is never worth it to stay, especially if your safety—either emotional or physical—is at risk in any way. And if someone is being outright mean to you, again, you do not have to stay for that. Y ou do deserve to be treated professionally.

Wudan Yan- This is not a reminder that people like to hear. But when you send onboarding paperwork to your clients, they will know where you live.

Jenni Gritters- Yeah, scary, scary. Hard pass. So trust your gut on this one and know that leaving is valid in many client situations. You don't need our permission for that, but we're giving it anyway. Walking away from one job is not going to take your career. This is actually the benefit of being a freelancer. There's lots of irons in that fire. It's going to feel scary to walk away, but also I think it is a really strong move to prioritize your well-being. On that note, we are going to head out. All-Access members will get a resource along with this episode to help them make tough decisions with tough clients.

Wudan Yan- And we will be back soon with our new final episode of the season. I will talk to you later, Jenni.

Jenni Gritters- Bye, Wudan. Thanks so much for listening to the Writers' Co-op. This season is hosted by me, Jenni Gritters, and Wudan Yan. It was produced by Jen Monnier and edited by Susan Valot.